My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
