Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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