Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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