She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
