Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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