I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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