Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize