On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Randomize
