some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
