i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I'm at about main and main street
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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