Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
