I just saw a hot homeless man
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
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