Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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