I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
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