Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
