You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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