I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize