he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
