I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
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