I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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