we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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