why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
