he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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