Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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