I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
