so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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