your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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