McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
