My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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