bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
