pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize