i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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