i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Randomize
