Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
