I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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