if you like me you must not know who I am
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
third nipple confirmed
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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