Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
