Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
