I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
