It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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