even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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