I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
