The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
