Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
