Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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