Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Randomize
