Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
