If i come over, it means nothing
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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