maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
