Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
