Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
