Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
be right there i have to get my cape
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
