I looked at my own cervix.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
