Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You've changed since you got that strap on
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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