Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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