Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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