Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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