Soap is not a condiment
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
