My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
