I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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