wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
