do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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