i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
