i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
