I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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